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Driving with Dennis Hopper


So another request and yet another email. This time we converse with my friends over at TomTom

about their faulty GPS services. Their GPS devices are pretty cool, you can download voices from

celebrities. One of which is Dennis Hopper. Who wouldn't choose D-Hop!! Just the movie "Speed"

alone is enough to chose him. I also felt the need to express my love to my favorite city in the United




 nobody messes with Dennis Hopper



Dear tomtom,

    I've been an owner of a TomTom GPS module for quite some time now. At first, I was

outstandingly excited about all of the features that are frequently being added to help people like me

who get lost all the time. I like to think of it as being “temporarily misplaced”. You see, I have

terrible navigation skills. I regularly get "temporarily misplaced" on frequent visits to the doctor and

even when trying to find my way home.

    I must also admit that I even used to get lost with your GPS services! This was rectified of course

upon downloading the "Dennis Hopper" voice add-on for my device. His menacing voice reminds me

of the character he played in the blockbuster smash, "Speed". I feel that if I disobey him, my car will

explode and I will surely die. This has helped me greatly in finding my way to church and I'd like to

thank you for that.

    Lately though, I’ve been noticing that certain roads that Dennis Hopper or “D-Hop” as I like to call

him, tells me to turn on don’t actually exist. This has become somewhat of major problem for me.

He tells me to turn into schoolyards, parking garages, and one time what seemed like an actual

shortcut, wound up being a direct route to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I don’t know if you’ve ever

been around the Philadelphia area, but it is a very dismal scene indeed. The people are wretched and

there seems to be a foul odor emanating from the city’s nucleus. After asking for directions, all I

received in return were vacant, expressionless stares. It was almost like they had no soul.

    Can you please fix the Dennis Hopper program in the TomTom devices? Why is he sending me to

Philadelphia? I fear for my life at times. If I shut it off, I’d certainly get lost; but if I keep it on, who

knows where he’ll send me next.




Hi Frank,

We're glad you enjoy your Dennis Hopper voice and he has helped you out of being "temporarily

misplaced" so many times. The problem you are having however sounds like a map issue as opposed

to a voice issue. I'm sure it's not just Dennis Hopper who is sending you to Philadelphia but any of the

voices on your TomTom.

It might just be that you need to update your maps but you'd be best contacting TomTom Support.

You can find TomTom support by clicking on the following link: http://us.support.tomtom.com/



I hope this helps you getting your TomTom up and running properly again.

Thanks for choosing Navtones.

kindest regards,


Hello again --,

     Thank you for sending me that link to tomtom support. I must say that they were very insightful

and that they recommended that I reply to your correspondence. According to them, the problem is

not with their systems. They have assured me that tomtom never makes mistakes and it seems that

the quandary happens to lie somewhere within the Dennis Hopper software.


     They also stated that you'd be more than happy to send a refund for

any malfunctioning programs. Since Dennis Hopper has obviously gone haywire, instead of a

reimbursement, is an exchange possible? Upon viewing your site I've discovered two celebrity voices

that I'm interested in. The first being Mr T. His alpha male status and overall machismo would

certainly help me find my way to the salon to get my routine waxings.


     The second voice would be none other that of Kim Cattrall from "Sex in the city". Being that it is

my all time favorite movie, having Samantha guide me on my next road trip to Galveston, Texas will

prove to truly be an exceedingly glorious event.


      Please let me know how to go about exchanging the software programs.

Best regards,



What bothers me here is that this person didn't have the kind courtesy to leave a name. I mean c'mon give

me at least a BS name.



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