Who hasn't slugged down some NyQuil in order to get to work in the morning? It's hypnotic mix of alcohol and cold medicine really puts me on my ass. I've actually heard of, and witnessed, high school kids who have guzzled NyQuil by the bottle in an attempt to get a buzz on. This is quite possibly the stupidest idea that I've heard in a while. The makers of NyQuil caught wind of the sudden influx of teens in the emergency rooms and actually lowered their dosages.

   So why not send them an e-mail and take just a wee bit further... 

Dear Nyquil,

                I would personally like to thank you for creating such a wonderful slumberous concoction that has been an indispensable asset to my sleep cycle for the past year. You see, due to a new occupational opportunity on the east coast, I was forced to move to an apartment in the city of Philadelphia. If you are not familiar with “the armpit of the USA,” please allow me to elucidate my experiences and illustrate why Nyquil has been such a godsend for my sleeping habits.

                The city of Philadelphia is easily the most offensive and disgraceful municipality on earth. It comprises of the most savage, reprehensible people that Satan has to offer. These “people” do absolutely nothing but superficially praise their sub-par sports teams and huff cheese steaks all day long. Thanks to Nyquil, I am now able to sleep comfortably during the ritualistic nighttime maelstrom that occurs outside my bedroom window.

In the event that one of these atrocious sports teams has uncharacteristically made the playoffs, I’ve devised an ingenious way to supply my body with a constantly flowing stream of your fine product. Fashioning a few changes to an auto drip IV machine that I stole from the local nursing home, I’ve discovered that I can sleep for a total of 94 hours completely undisturbed. I feel you could market this idea and generate quite the profit from it.

Frank,

Thanks for contacting Vicks Nyquil.

We appreciate you taking the time to write and share your experience with Vicks Nyquil. However, we cannot encourage this type of product use. Vicks Nyquil is intended to be used for the treatment of cold and flu symptoms, but should not be used as an aid to sleep. If you are having difficulty sleeping, you should contact your physician who can give you the best recommendation. We also do not recommend using in any other way than what is explained on the label. They Vicks Nyquil Cold & Flu product has a dosage requirement of 2 tablespoons or 30mL. You may take a total of 4 doses every 24 hours; or one dose every 6-8 hours, but this product should not be used over 7 days.

I'm sorry about your experience and appreciate your reporting it to us.  Our products and packages are thoroughly evaluated to be safe when used as directed.  Additionally, we maintain an ongoing safety monitoring program to assure the highest standards of safety and quality.  Please be assured I'm sharing your comments with our Health and Safety Division.  Meanwhile, please hold on to the package and any remaining product for two weeks in the event our Health and Safety Division needs to retrieve them.

Your satisfaction means a great deal to us so I'm also responding by postal mail. Look for my letter to arrive within the next 2-3 weeks. For answers to medical questions, we recommend you speak with your doctor who will be able to give you the best advice.

Thanks again for getting in touch.

Beth
Vicks Nyquil Team

Dear Beth,

     Thank you for such a timely response. I apologize on my part for responding so late, as it is now clear to me that I have just recovered from a slight coma. As you directed, I altered the settings on my IV machine to distribute the recommended 2 tablespoons of Nyquil every 6 hours. After thirty seconds of treatment, it became increasingly apparent that there may have been a bit of a snafu while interpreting the correct dosage amounts. The ensuing events and the atypical experiences I’ve undergone are difficult to explain, but I'll try to the best of my ability in hopes that you can help others similar to me.
     

     The moment colors began to materialize in my apartment, I knew that the Nyquil had swiftly reached my circulatory system. Normally the colors don't manifest themselves that quickly, but I figured this fulmination was benign being that I used the recommended dose. A sudden calm overcame my body as my body entered a polychromatic stasis. After what seemed like hours of suspension in a psychedelic bathroom, I was finally roused out of my trance-like state by a tapping on the door.
     

      I immediately opened the door and was astounded by what I saw. Standing there staring at me was a translucent, greenish hued Fennec fox. At first glance, the sight of the apparitional canine was quite unnerving, but further inspection of the fox's clothing swayed my mind otherwise. He was wearing what seemed to be a pizza delivery t-shirt with a shiny name tag that read "Roscoe".
 

     The hound nodded his head beckoning me to follow him. He swiftly glided across my parquet floors with his red roller skates towards my bedroom window. The bedroom window was glowing purple and was slowly warping in a counter-clockwise motion. The celestial fox spun around waving his snout at me, telling me to follow him inside.
           

      The next thing I knew, I was lying on the bedroom floor surrounded by rigatoni pasta that was strewn about the floor. This is not an uncommon occurrence however, what shocked me was that my calendar indicated that was three months later! It has become vastly clear that a gross error has been committed. Please provide me with the correct dosage information.

                                                                                                                                                Thanks

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