One day I got kinda bored while eating some Jack links jerky on my break at work, so I decided to email the corporate office customer care department. Some people cringe at the thought of beef jerky; these people have something wrong with them. There are a few things better than jerky. I was really bored so this did get quite ridiculous
To whom it may concern,
I've recently purchased your delightfully delicious "blazin' buffalo" nuggets. Let me tell you that they are incredibly flavorful and they tantalize my taste buds. I do however have the displeasure to say that they are too flavorful. The fiery heat of the "blazin' buffalo" nuggets spread through the depths of my bowels like an uncontrollable inferno, engulfing everything in it's destructive path.Although they are by all means painful to eat, they are way too entrancing to put down. Is there any possible way I could be doing serious damage to my body?
Your most Devoted customer,
Thank you for your email - we appreciate hearing from satisfied users of our
products. Our goal, everyday, is to make certain that our premium products reach our consumers as fresh and flavorful as possible. Our entire staff is dedicated to ensuring that, through every step of the process, we maintain the highest possible safety and quality standards.
It is only through meeting the needs of consumers like you that we can continue to be successful. We truly appreciate your kind comments and please be assured that the Flamin' Buffalo Chicken Nuggets are for your enjoyment. Please accept our sincere thanks.
Consumer Relations Specialist
Jack Link's Beef Jerky
Thank you for the wonderful response - It's great to hear from companies who actually care about their products.
Earlier today, as I was preparing breakfast, I was feasting upon a bag of your flamin' buffalo nuggets and it seems that their fiery qualities have created quite the quandary in my digestive tract. The wildfire that is now raging through my stomach can only be described by my ever-grimacing face. I would gladly send you a picture of it but I am afraid as to what will happen with it after it's been viewed. You see Cathy, last year I sent my picture to one of my coworkers because he told me about his very attractive cousin and that I should send him a picture so he could show her. Unfortunately for me, not only did his cousin not exist, but he photoshopped my face onto the head of an iguana. The ensuing months and still today I'm ridiculed by my peers. I'm called words like lizard boy, reptilia, and I'm frequently asked the question "if your leg falls off does it grow back the next day?". As you can see I do have some qualms with sending you my picture and for this I deeply apologize.
As I'm writing this I can feel my stomach churning the conflagration that were caused by your infernally hot nuggets. Do you have a brochure or newsletter you can send me regarding a cure to my ailments?
I really wish Cathy wrote back to me, if your out there Cathy, I'm waiting..