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Below you'll find the many channels dedicated to what we do best. Whether it's emailing a random company about their products,
 pestering the local females,
 or ranting about almost anything you will
soon find that you're visiting this site more often than is deemed healthy for a normal human being.   

Storm the Castle Part 2


This is the response I received from White Castle. If you haven't yet read the first email you can read

it here: Storm the Castle!!!



White Castle Update:

      Usually when I email a company about one of their products, within a few days I

normally receive a response. Whether they send me an automated message or an

actual personalized letter, it generally comes in about 2-5 days depending on if it was

sent on a weekday or not. With White Castle however, I didn’t receive any such

response via email so I figured they weren’t going to send me a reply at all.

      I couldn’t have been more wrong. About a week after sending the original email I

received a phone call from a number that I didn't recognize. Not knowing whether it

was my sister or some random stranger, i answered the call without hesitance. I

heard a womanly voice on the other end. She sounded as if she was either some sort

of Indian or Middle Eastern. She had an incredibly thick accent and was practically

inaudible with all the background noise. This is what transpired in that phone

call from the best of my memory:

Cooz: “Hello?”

Woman: “Hi. Is this Mr. Cowso?” (yes this is how she pronounced my name.)

Cooz: “Yes?”

Woman: “Hi Mr. Cowso, this is Cynthia from White Castle. I heard that you had a problem with our burgers.”

    Right then and there I was totally stunned and caught off guard. THEY ACTUALLY CALLED ME!! Quite possibly the MOST sarcastic email I’ve written so far and they actually called me. It was written in Old English for Christ’s sake! The mere thought of this made me want to just laugh in Cynthia’s face, but I had to keep my cool. So trying my absolute best not to explode in laughter I continued with the conversation.

Cooz: “Why yes, yes I did.”

Cynthia: “And what was the problem with the burgers? We’ve had no other complaints that day. Was it stomach problems?”

Cooz: “Well, yeah. My stomach was in pains the whole day afterwards.”

Cynthia: “I’m sorry to hear that. Did you go to the bathroom?”

Cooz: “Well it was a few days ago. So yes, multiple times since my visit.”

Cynthia: “Well, I’m sorry to hear that Mr. Cowso. We always try our best here at White Castle”

Cooz: “Yes I realize, however I do feel that some sort of compensation is required on your part.”

Cynthia: “I will contact my manager and we’ll get back to you.”

Cooz: “Thank you.”

She hangs up.

     I assumed at that point that I wasn’t going to hear from my fast food fortress

friends. There didn’t seem to be any sincerity in her voice. Alas, I was wrong again. I

received another phone call twenty minutes later. This time it was a different woman,

with another terribly thick accent that sounded like she was calling me while sitting on

top of an elephant at the Taj Mahal.

Cooz: “Hello?”

Woman: “Hi Mr. Couso this is Clara from White Castle, how are you doing today?”

Cooz: “I’m doing quite well.”

Clara: “I’ve heard you’ve had some problems with our burgers? Stomach complaints? I’m sorry to

hear that”

Cooz: “Well, I’m sorry to have to tell you about it. I normally don’t have any problems. I love you guys.”

Clara: “How would you like to come in for lunch?”

Cooz: “Lunch? Sure. Being that its 4pm, sadly I will not be able to make it there today. I must also admit it’s a bit too late for lunch.”

Clara: “Well that’s okay. What day is good for you?”

Cooz: “Umm, how about Saturday?”

Clara: “And what time?”

Cooz: “How is 2pm?”

Clara: “Well that sounds good. I’ll see you Saturday at 2pm.”

Cooz: “Excellent, I cant wait.”

She hangs up.

    It was set, I had a lunch date with the manager at White Castle. If I told you that

knew exactly what to expect I’d be completely lying.

    I made my journey to the castle and arrived around 145pm. The restaurant was

totally packed, so I jumped right on line. When I finally made it to the register, I

explained the situation to the cashier and all I received was the blankest stare I’ve

seen in my life. Not knowing what to do, he left the register and pulled a man wearing

a white shirt out of the back office. I explained the situation to him and received the

same vacant stare.     

      To make a long story short, my fair maiden “Clara” was a no-show. I did however,

receive my Number One with cheese that I was aching for all week. They were quite

possibly the BEST burgers I’ve had in my life. You know why? Because nothing tastes

better than free. 









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